Bingy's Art Archive

I had a conversation with a friend of mine about the crushing nature of trying to stay afloat in today’s world, all of this is my side of said discussion edited and formatted to fit the post better:

I was thinking about it, and my entire existence is disillusionment when i stop and have like two seconds of not being blasted with some sort of media or distraction. I’m always listening to music or a podcast at work to prevent a thought from forming because if it does it pisses me off 9/10 times, I suppose that’s why I make stuff so often because it feels like the only thing that prevents a thought from forming that doesn’t have the underlying dread of capitalism and algorithms embedded in it. The more i think about, it the more it seems the world at large sees me as a warm body to extract value from in all forms, whether that be through labor or through buying things. Most of us all just born with the illusion of choice, we all live to work in ways that are mostly pretty useless in a way that actually meaningfully contributes to the betterment of others at best, and actively a detriment to the lives of others at worst.

Even creation isn’t safe from the grip of capitalism, because seeing as how I’m financially dependent on my parents and pushing 30, I’m trying to monetize the things that bring me joy despite it being the only bastion of free will that I’m allowed. I find myself trying to exchange it for the dangling carrot of maybe getting a firm foothold (delusional), every creative pursuit has an underlying mentality of “can i sell this” instead of it just being fun for the sake of fun. It’s fucked that since a 40 hour honest week’s work is no longer a standard for a respectable living, I am doing what was previously considered to be contributing plenty to society, but in today’s day and age it feels like if you’re not doing that and adding another 30 hours of a side hustle, you’re not doing enough and you’re falling short, or you’re being lazy for not quite being able to make those ends meet. For some people, you’re expected to do that on top of school, on top of a healthy diet, on top of staying fit, on top of maintaining relationships, it’s just not reasonable to expect any human being with 24 hours in the day to split effectively.

I want to walk outside and start unfucking the world, but I’m tired, i have to get up at 4am tomorrow for work, I’m rambling about shit I can’t fix at 11pm, it would probably get me shot, it would get me ignored or laughed at, my family needs my financial help especially since it’s looking like rough waters ahead, my food is made of money, and I’m not the main character destined to fight a bunch of sewer rats and eventually kill god possessing the president. The lack of sway over seeing how fucked everything is and being powerless to stop it makes me sad, angry, and hopeless, not only am i fully powerless, i am entirely tangled up in the ratty rope barely holding society together. I am but another cog in the machine, and they keep cranking it ever faster, but when my gear runs out and rusts from wearing out the oil, they’ll simply toss me aside, replace me without a second thought, and keep it going.

damn dude i should start fucken writing

can i sell the writing?

Here’s a doodle, fuck ICE, fuck the regime, fuck capitalism, thanks for reading the rant.